10 Things I've Learned in 10 Years of Marriage

_{10 Years of Marriage}

 
When you get married you get a lot of marriage advice. Some of it is practical, some of it is funny, most of it is nonsense you should forget right away. After three babies and 10 years of marriage I’ve come to a realization about advice. There are some universal nuggets that aid in life, but if it were a one-size-fits-all experience we wouldn’t have needed to come down here and experience it ourselves. We could have sat up in heaven and read about it, and learned and grown all we needed to from that. The fact that we are here is proof that we need to experience life. The ups and downs of life are what qualifies us for eternity. We are on a unique journey, and our navigation through that journey will help us learn and grow into our potential. In other words, we need to fall down and get back up. We need to have the misunderstandings and the epiphany of growth. Ignorance isn’t the enemy when learning and growing is your goal. Those failed experiences are what bonded marriages are made of. Working toward common goals and finding joy together is messy, but it is what unites two people.

 _{So below are the nuggets that I would pull from my experience that are universal. I share a lot of personal and specific things to my relationship with Jordan, but the lessons that came from the circumstances are what universally improve any marriage. They are truths that can be applied to the unique circumstances of any marriage. What qualifies me for making these bold claims, nothing. I have the credentials of an out of work janitor, who has lived off charity for ten years, while trying to impart my limited knowledge and love onto unsuspecting children that call me mom. Given that information I’m not sure I’d read on, but if you do, you’ve been adequately warned at this point.}

_{1.       Learn how to fight!}
            Fight about pizza, or chocolate chip pancakes, or the right way toilet paper goes. Taking two adults and merging habits and preferences inevitably leads to differences. Jordan and I had ‘discussions’ about the right way to put pizza toppings on a pizza; that laundry hampers were for putting dirty clothes in, and not next to; and my personal favorite, we’ll always be poor. 
These were some of our most colorful arguments with raised voices and slamming doors. Down the road when we didn’t see eye-to-eye on things that really mattered, like how to parent, they were always calm, respectful discussions. The small disagreements taught us how to fight. Jordan and I are two very stubborn opinionated people, we had to learn how to discuss differences and work toward common goals in a constructive way. I’m sure glad we had our worst fights about burned chocolate chip pancakes and pizza toppings. I know someone will read this thinking, I didn’t have to fight with my spouse in order to learn how to discuss differences positively…well, bless your heart!

_{2.       No room for roommates!}

_{My relationship with Jordan started as a friendship, at least for me, I was only interested in the friend-zone. He would talk to me about his disastrous dates with girls and life disappointments, and I would offer support and a quick joke to cheer him up. Our friendship has always been effortless, it is the foundation we come back to when we need a romance remodel. For a long time in our marriage we had slipped into, what I call, roommate status. You start just doing what is comfortable and easy. You check the responsibilities boxes and your time together is spent watching a show in the evening, or separately, for us that looks like me reading a book and him playing video games. There isn’t anything inherently wrong with this, which is why it went on for so long. However, a marriage relationship shouldn’t be an auto-pilot union. You shouldn’t be just hanging out all the time, that is what friends are for. This complacency in our marriage led to a lot of heartache down the road. If you know me, you’ve heard me say this before because it some of my favorite advice I ever received. “Do things together that you both don’t hate”. Why do I love it so much? Marriage relationships aren’t meant to be stagnant. They should always be growing and expanding. Like in life, there is no fence sitting in a marriage. I now play video games with my husband, and he attends musicals with me. Once a week we have a no media night, we sit on a couch and talk about everything: religion, life, sadness, funny things, goals-all of it! At the end of the day a husband and wife should be more than roommates. Find a spark, a connection on a deeper level, and make time for things that bring you closer instead of things that are comfortable and easy.}

_{3.       Date night, yes, it is necessary!}

_{This one I struggled with for a long time. I was given this advice when I was first married, and I thought it was the nonsense kind. I thought sitting at home with my husband and hanging out was good enough. I didn’t need to spend money, get a sitter, and have alone time doing something with Jordan. Our priority is kids, and work, and church…right? Wrong! Balance in all things!}

_{The kids will be gone one day and if I pause my relationship with Jordan while we raise kids, what will be left when it is just the two of us again? I have finally embraced the date night, and although it took a long time for me to not spend that time worried about the kids, counting the hours and the resulting babysitter bill, and seeing it as a wasted effort, I now can’t imagine giving it up. We’ve gone on a date once a week for over a year now, and it has not only brought us closer, I feel younger and like I have a life outside my kids with my sweetheart. I get to make new memories with Jordan, and we learn new things about each other as we experience something outside the usual. Date night doesn’t have to be this or that, it can be specific to your family and budget. But it should consist of uninterrupted alone time with your spouse, connecting in a way that is different from everyday life. Sometimes for us its as simple as trying a new cuisine we’ve never eaten and talking and laughing at a restaurant for two hours. Other times its more elaborate like a rock concert where we get home at 1:00am and have to mime to our children about how we lost our voice since they saw us the night before.}

_{4.       Intimacy, it’s more than sex.}

_{Yes, I am going there. I’m not sure why adults act like this is a taboo subject. Sure, the details of one’s sex life is private, but lucky for you that isn’t what I am suggesting when I want to dig into intimacy. Intimacy is so much more than physical connection. Don’t get me wrong, the physical intimacy is HUGE in a healthy marriage. But I believe physical intimacy falls under the non-universal advice that a couple figures out through trial and error. When physical intimacy does need help, there are private trusted sources one should turn to, not the general populous.}

 _{The intimacy I am referring to is essential to every marriage and without feeding it and connecting into it, a marriage will diminish. Non-physical intimacy is a connection through vulnerability. Vulnerability is not the act of over-sharing. In fact, that can be a mask for true vulnerability. To be vulnerable we have to allow another person to see, feel, talk about, and listen to our weaknesses, our strengths and our thoughts. This kind of vulnerability is being spiritually and emotionally intimate with your spouse. For many people being intimate in this way is uncomfortable and something that doesn’t come naturally. Jordan is not an introspective person or a sharer. We had to work to get this kind of connection. It started with questions. The trite, “how was your day”, got switched out for a, “what was the funniest thing that happened today”, or “was there a difficult part of today”. Be targeted and specific when you connect with your spouse. Achieving this level of connection all the time is a pipedream. Work and kids and responsibilities demand our attention and that level of intimacy isn’t a constant thing. But at least once a week this kind of connection should happen. I know in the beginning I said it didn’t have anything to do with sex but give it a try and see if that remains true. 😊}

_{5.       ECG- Equal Communication Goals}

_{If any of you have had any kind of heart problems, you’ll know ECG stands for electrocardiogram. This is a test doctors use to measure the electrical activity of the heartbeat. The heartbeat of a marriage is communication. The level of communication is the measure of a happy healthy marriage.}

None of the above things works without communication. For a while in my marriage, I was the communicator. I am very open and introspective and would communicate with Jordan and he would shallowly respond. On my end, things felt very communicative. However, communication isn’t effective unless it is equal. Each individual has to be communicating in an equal way as listener and contributor. Communication goals should be to grow a deeper connection with each other, share hopes and dreams, build each other up and address concerns or issues. Constructive communication is not accusatory, fault-finding, or self-serving. If you aren’t communicating on a deeper level daily you may need an ECG to figure out where you can improve.

_{6.       Forgive don’t forget}

_{I didn’t truly learn about forgiving my spouse until he betrayed my trust. I had forgiven him for the easy stuff, sure. Forgetting something important to me, not helping around the house or with kids as much as I’d like. Those are standard, reasonable things. But when his selfish choices and years of lying came to light, the forgiveness was not there. Somehow my forgiveness was tied to my ability to logically explain things. Up until this point all the little grievances, I had with him, were not malicious or done out of spite. They were small misunderstandings. I could even forgive his substance abuse problems. I knew a lot about addictions, and I could understand them, so I could grant forgiveness there. When it came to the years of lies to my face and moments of betrayal, I couldn’t make sense of it. To me love was black and white. Love didn’t allow lying, so he must not love me. Well, under that logic I’m not sure there would be many marriages left standing.}

_{If two people still want to try and are willing to CHANGE, a marriage can over-come anything. That was the motivator that pushed me to seeking help. If true change occurs a marriage can be reborn. The person that did damage, must take accountability and be ready to make serious changes. The person that was hurt (I hate the word victim) and suffered must grant forgiveness and be willing to accept the changes of the offender.}

_{So how did I get there? Well, honestly, I went to therapy. I was stuck, I couldn’t let go of my anger at my husband and I couldn’t find a scrap of forgiveness.  Please don’t be afraid of seeing a counselor, for any reason. They can be a huge blessing and tool in your life and your marriage. With that plug, I wish I could say it was the magic wand that made it all better, but it wasn’t. It helped me move out of my pain and mourning of the marriage I thought I had, but I still struggled forgiving the broken trust. Then I prayed.}

_{I’ll get into spirituality and God later, but sometimes forgiveness isn’t something we can find in ourselves. I turned to Christ and for weeks I prayed every morning to help me let go of my anger and find forgiveness. I started to write notes about any positive thing my spouse did. I focused all my energy and attention on the attractive qualities of my husband, and I kept praying. Very slowly, my anger subsided, and my heart softened as he worked tirelessly to change himself.}

_{I added don’t forget to this section, because so many times we are told forgive and forget. This is pretty personal advice, but I’m including it anyway. Part of what helped me out of my victim mentality was seeing this experience as a moment of growth. I could see all the areas of my own life where I could do better and be more. I could see all the new growth and rebirth our marriage was getting from the heartbreak. I don’t want to forget that. I can see how these experiences will help us teach and raise our children. I don’t want to hide this from them. What good are mistakes and trials if we simple box them up and tuck them away. Hard things and pain are not something to be ashamed of or forgotten. They are for our betterment and when we use them to propel us to grow, they become beautiful. Do not use past hurts and mistakes to belittle or chastise each other, look at them together and marvel at how far you have come. Forgive, but never forget.}

_{7.       1+1=2, even after marriage}

_{If you now me, then you know I’ve never been great at math. However, I’ve checked this, and the math is solid.}

_{Yes, in a marriage you become one. Your goals, desires, efforts and so on -it all is focused and channeled together. But you are still two individuals. You have different likes and dislikes. You think differently and see the world differently. These things should not go away when you get married. Maintaining individuality within a marriage is healthy. You should have a support group around you outside of your spouse. It is ok to have hobbies the other doesn’t have. Cultivate your own growth and then come together and share it with each other. Carving out time for yourself is essential to being able to give and sustain a selfless love in a marriage. Find the things that fill you up and bring you joy and do them.}

_{8.       Family, the great game changer}

_{This is two-fold, regarding your own family that you’ll have with your spouse when you have kids, and the families you left when you got married.}

_{So many people loved to tell me when I was getting married that you don’t marry the family, so don’t get too hung up on it. Well, that is just wrong. Unless your spouse has no family, or no contact with them, you most certainly do marry the family. Our two families could not be further alike if we tried. Totally different worlds. I spent a lot of time trying to label things right or wrong. Once I let go of right and wrong, it just became different. Different doesn’t make anyone choose sides. Your spouse’s family may be different than yours, or they may be two-peas in a pod. Your only job is to accept them as important people in your spouse’s life. You aren’t required to become besties with them (although, if that happens it’s great), but you should never put your spouse in a me or them situation. Ask them questions about things that you find to be different. Look at the difference as a chance to expand your perspectives.}

_{Secondly, everything gets turned upside down when you have kids. Before kids, talk about kids a lot. You want to be on the same page as much as possible when it comes to having and raising kids. Each one is going to be a different experience, but if you have common goals and shared tactics things go smoother. Above all, show your kids what a great marriage looks like, don’t just tell them. They should be able to tell that you are number one to each other. If your marriage and relationship is strong, their level of comfort and security is strong. Never put your marriage’s health on hold for the sake of your children. If something seems like it is happening at the expense of your children talk about it. The great secret to adulting is becoming an expert level prioritizer (hey, extra unsolicited advice😊). In our house it is God, our marriage, our family and everything else comes after that.}  

_{9.       Go Team!}

_{For reals, never wanted to be a cheerleader, never liked a cheerleader, and find the whole organized cheerleading annoying. But you are listening to a bonified cheerleader since 2009. So get a pair of sparkly pom-poms, a very short skirt (your husband won’t complain), and start yelling cliched cheers in your spouses direction.}

_{Seriously though, you should be your spouses’ number one fan. Their biggest supporter. You should look for ways to build them up if they are lacking motivation. You should be quick with a positive praise after they’ve achieved something. Make it genuine. Make it specific. Make it count. You know your spouse better than anyone, which qualifies you to be the perfect cheerleader. So in case this isn’t obvious, go cheer your spouse on!}

_{10.   God.}

_{It doesn’t matter what religion, or lack of you affiliate with. Marriage needs a spiritual component to be healthy and long-lasting. God is central in my marriage and we build around that. Two imperfect people that keep trying are still imperfect at the end of the day. There are mistakes, there are flaws, there is hurt. The joy that comes from the inevitable downs in a marriage (and life for that matter) comes from God. Having faith that there is more to life than death; believing that I have a Savior, Jesus Christ that walks beside me and grants me grace; and knowing that I am a child of God brings me joy. I know that no matter what I will be ok, that isn’t to say things won’t suck or be hard, but I know that I will still find joy eventually.}

_{My marriage could end tomorrow, all Jordan has to do is decide he is done, and there isn’t anything I can do. When we get married, we give a portion of control over to our spouse. They now have the power to affect us with their choices. That can be scary if it is all you have to go on. I find peace and comfort knowing that even though he has the power to hurt me or end our marriage, he doesn’t have the power to take away my joy. 
I have placed my heart in Christ and faith in God. That is a perfect companionship, one that will never hurt or betray me, and one that will always grant me joy if I turn to it. Have a spiritual grounding outside of your relationship. Something to feed your soul and protect your heart. Something that you can draw strength from when everyone else has failed you.}

         _{Ten years is a little} blip on the map when looking at a lifetime with someone. I’m sure those older than me will get a kick out of this, and those younger will think it doesn’t apply. But writing this down has been a reflection of the work and love I have built with Jordan. Someday I will share it with my kids and we can laugh and talk about it. Until then, I’ll keep learning, growing, changing and loving in my marriage.

Keto Meals

So I've been doing keto for a long time. My husband has lost 65 lbs in about 10 months and I am down 30lbs since I had my third baby 11 weeks ago. It works! I love that I don't track a thing. Yep, I don't count macros or calories or points (first time loosing weight and not doing that). All I ask myself before it goes in my mouth is does this have sugar or carbs? After a while of label reading you get the hang of what you should eat and what you shouldn't eat. But people ask me all the time what I cook, what I don't eat, how I handle the restrictions. First of all, I don't feel restricted, because I don't feel hungry. You are eating fat, fat is very filling and satisfying. If you can get over the sweets (lots of ways to still get a sweet fix), you can handle this new way of eating and your body will thank you for it. So below is my broad overview of keto eating.

NOT THESE FRUIT/VEGGIES-EVER!

• potatoes/sweet potatoes
• Cherry Tomatoes
• Squash
• Parsnips
• Bananas
• Pineapples
• Apples
• Grapes
• Peas
• Beans

NO GRAINS-EVER!

• Rice
• Quinoa
• Oats
• ECT.

SPARINGLY FRUIT/VEG

• Tomatoes
• Carrots
• Summer Squash
• Berries
• Nuts

EAT ALL THE TIME VEG

• Lettuce
• Avocados
• Broccoli
• Cauliflower
• Okra
• Cucumbers
• Mushrooms
• Onions
• Cabbage
• Brussels Sprouts
• Asparagus
• Kale
• Spinach
• Zucchini
• Peppers

GOOD DAIRY

• Butter
• Heavy Cream!!!
• Hard cheeses
• Cream cheese (watch labels some brands put carbs in there)
• Unsweetened Nut Milks (I know technically not dairy.)

EAT ALL THE TIME PROTIENS

• Chicken (canned, thighs, breast)
• Pork (pork chops, pork butt, pork loin, suasage, bacon, prosciutto, ham (make sure it isn't honey cured), ribs)
• Beef (steak, roast, hamburger)
• Fish
• EGGS

BE CAREFUL PROTIEN

If you eat too much protein your body starts to treat it like a sugar. So eating an abundance of protein will throw you out of ketosis. This is a high fat diet not a high protein diet. Unless you are working out a ton or body building don't go protein nuts.

• Package protein bars- usually has a ton of carbs and/or sugar
• Protien shakes and drinks- also carbs and sugar heavy.

ELECTROLYTES

You may start getting headaches long after you've gotten over keto-flu. Your diet is lacking in electrolytes, sodium, magnesium, and potassium. You should supplement these into your diet either by electrolyte powders, drinks or natural souces (i.e. pickle juice).

TREATS

You can look up lots of low carb/sugar free baking, but don't get your expectations too crazy. You'll be using a nut flour which has a grainy texture, and an alternative sugar which can have funny after tastes. Also, many sugar alternative can mess with your digestion so don't indulge too much. 

My favorite treats are:

• Sugar Free Pudding (made with cream or unsweetened nut milk)
• Atkins Candy/Bars
• Sugar Free Jello
• Berries with Cream
• Fat Bombs (lots of recipe online)

MY GO TO MEALS

Breakfasts:

• Eggs
• Bacon
• Suasage
• Atkins Bar
• Berries w/Cream

Lunch:

• Egg Salad
• Chicken Salad
• Deviled Eggs
• Cobb Salad
• Lunch meat and cheese
• Ham salad
• Avocados
• Cucumbers
• Lettuce Wrapped Burgers

Dinner:

• Grilled Chicken Thighs and Cauliflower Mash
• Roast w/mushrooms and broccoli
• Pulled pork on a salad with Ranch
• Pork chops with brussels sprouts and bacon
• Roasted Aspargus and Grilled Salmon with hollandaise sauce
• Spice rubbed ribs with roasted caulflower and broccoli
• Lettuce wrapped Burgers with zucchini fries
• Taco Salad

There are lots more. This way of eating is simple and leads to whole food. I have felt so many positive benefits from this life style change. I hope it brings simplicity, health, and a better life to you as well. 

Instant Pot Meals

I proclaimed my love of instant pots on social media the other day, so this post is a follow up. I have only had it a month and I've cooked almost every night in it. It is pretty much a game changer. Not just because of the time and ease of cooking now, but for the first time in our almost 9 year marriage, my husband cooks dinner. Yeah, I know. So buy one, maybe your husband will start cooking too! :)

So I cook keto for my hubby,  I'm preggo and nauseated 90% of the time and the keto life just isn't the life for me (right now). BUT it is for my hubby, and I love him (like a lot), so I make keto dinners. That usually means I pick a meat and have some non-starchy vegetables around. Meat can be a high maintenance character. It either needs lots of cook time or minimal cook time. I shop two weeks at a time, so I freeze my meat. The defrosting thing can really cramp my nap schedule. So that is one great thing about instant pots, cuts all that nonsense down to minutes of effort, but Instagram worthy meals. Who doesn't want that?

So below are recipes that I've tried and have worked out, or that I've tweaked somewhat and they've still worked out (from pinterest). :) You can find anything on Pinterest. Seriously, I haven't had a clever or original idea in years. Follow me on Pinterest and you'll see what I'm trying and what I like (I actually do the things I pin...What?!)  Have fun Instant Potting (probably not a verb...)!

Cilantro Lime Chicken Drumsticks
https://mycrazygoodlife.com/instant-pot-cilantro-lime-chicken-drumsticks-instant-pot-drumsticks/

Chili Lime Steak Bowls
https://foodnservice.com/instant-pot-chili-lime-steak-bowl/

I made a creamy cilantro lime dressing for this. Cilantro, sour cream, lime, green onion, a little garlic, and salt and pepper. Blend in a blender dump on anything from a shoe to this steak bowl and enjoy!

Thai Coconut Chicken Soup
http://rasamalaysia.com/creamy-thai-coconut-chicken-soup/2/

This one I did a lot of substitutions for. I didn't put in galangal, kaffir lime leaves, and sugar. I added a little soy sauce, sesame oil, and regular limes. 

Below are things I've just done myself. You can google cook times for anything in the instant pot. 

Sunday Roast:
Set the pot to saute (wait for it to say hot). Brown the roast, that you've covered in salt and pepper, in the pot with onions and garlic. Then add bay leaves, oregano, thyme, and basil with beef stock (enough to come half way up the roast). Then I put my vegetables on top of the roast. We don't do potatoes or carrots (not keto friendly) so I did cauliflower, mushrooms, and broccoli. Salt and pepper them and dot with butter. Turn the pot to pressure cook, normal, and (depending on the size of your roast) cook for 35-45 minutes. 

Pulled Chicken:
We are chicken thigh lovers, instead of breasts, so that's what we use, you could do a blend or go exclusive. Fill the pot with chicken of your choice, spiced to your liking (we used a packet of taco seasoning on it). Add a 1 or 2 cups of chicken stock and pressure cook on normal for 20-25 minutes (depending on how much chicken you have). Shred and eat on buns, tacos, salad ect.

That's all I have time for, but you get the idea, anything you cooked in your slow cooker you can cook in here in minutes. Pick a meat and some veg and press a button, dinner is served! I have some kids I have to go love on, blog ya later (again, probably not a verb...).

KETO: Next best thing or trendy nonsense?

By now you have probably heard, or know of someone who is doing, 'the keto thing'. I feel like the National Keto Association (not a thing) should be sending me monthly checks for my husbands exuberant endorsement. So what is it and should you care about it?

Keto diets aren't this cure-all, magic new way of eating. Eating this way has been around for years, and is actually one of the most prescribed diets by doctors for patients who are developing, or have type two diabetes (also prescribed for infertility issues, research how sugar affects hormone production). The goal of this diet is to not have your blood sugar spike or dip. In other words, to keep your blood sugar level by eating consistent meals that don't include carbohydrates or sugar. This brings the body into ketosis, where it is burning fat, instead of storing it. When you eat low-fat diets the body takes the sugar/carbs it gets and it burns them (yay, energy), it takes the fat it gets and stores it. This is a hard way to loose weight and maintain weight-loss (slow). That's all good and well, but the reality of a keto diet is no carbs and no sugar, and NO CHEATING! That's right, one bite of something loaded with sugar or laced with carbs and your body is no longer in ketosis, your blood sugar spikes, and it will take 24-48 hours to get back into ketosis. Good news, if you say, go on a 7 day cruise tasting every European baked good you can find, you aren't going to see the huge weight gain you would see if you went off of a low-fat diet. Most of the weight gain will be water weight and you'll easily shed it once you start ketoing again. Is keto a way of life or should it be used as just a diet?

All this being said, I'm no doctor, just a fat lady who has read a lot and tried a bunch of diets. If your still interested in my opinion on keto as a diet or keto as a lifestyle read on.

Keto diets are very restrictive and hard to adhere to if you've been a life-long food abuser (right here, guilty). I would only recommend keto as a lifestyle to someone who has health struggles with blood sugar control and weight control. So if you don't have diabetes, but need to loose extra weight what do you do? I'd say, use keto as a tool to get to your healthy weight. It is going to teach you how to make good food choices, eliminate processed food from your diet, and curve addictive food cravings. Once you've reached a healthy weight and are able to maintain it through EXERCISE and your eating habits, I would start moving toward a Paleo diet or a Mediterranean diet. These diets, are at their core ketonic diets, but they allow for natural sugars, such as beets, fruits, and starchy vegetables. They also let you have grains, and sparingly, pasta. These diets are lifestyle diets, meaning you can live the rest of your life on these diets without restricting yourself to the level of a low-fat or keto diet. The goal is to be healthy and maintain that health. So use a keto diet as the tool to get to health, then alter that diet to make it a lifestyle of healthy (satisfying) living.

What to expect while ketoing:

• Invest in some sugar-free gum. While your body is in ketosis it can give you some gnarly breath. Plus, the sugar free gum seems like a treat now that you don't actually get treats! 
• Fiber is your friend! I think the biggest complaint for me on this diet is the number two situation. I had a hard time balancing my diet with fiber and I would yo-yo between not enough fiber and too much (you know what I mean). Once you get in your groove that mellows out.
• Keto Flu: yeah, it's a thing. The first week (or two) you may experience headaches. Your body is not used to having stable blood sugar and their is a detox phase. It's really not that bad (especially when you are loosing 3-4 pounds a week). 
• Eating is very counter-intuitive. We've been programmed fat is bad. During the 1980's the government ran a campaign against fat. They flooded the food market with low-fat versions of everything and scaring every one with promises of heart failure if they don't comply. The only kicker is they took out the fat and added sugar. Fast forward 20+ years and you have sugar addicts, obesity epidemic, infertility increase...and the list goes on. Real fat (avocados, nuts, eggs ect) are good for your body. Sugar is the enemy. That is your new mantra. 
• Sugar substitutes: so if your like me this diet will be torture for your sweet tooth. I tried to get behind sugar substitutes and I just can't. I can always taste them in whatever I put them in (they taste bitter to me) and they have a negative impact on your number two situation if you eat a lot. 

So there ya go, my unlicensed, unsupported, non-credentialed opinion on keto dieting. You're welcome!  

Freezer Meals

Freezer Meal Links

Ok, so here are the links to the latest freezer meals I did. I use them as guidelines for the most part. Generally, you can tweak and do anything to a freezer meal and it turns out pretty good.

 Also, my rule of thumb for cook time is: if it is thawed 30-45 minutes at 350 degrees, if it is frozen 1-2 hours at 350 degrees. Always take the foil off for the last 10 minutes to brown everything up.

Enchilada Casserole

http://www.tasteandtellblog.com/enchilada-casserole/

Taco Pasta

I didn't follow this one exactly. I mixed the noodles with the meat and sauce and covered it in cheese and cilantro. 

http://www.chelseasmessyapron.com/cheesy-taco-lasagna/

Chicken Parmesan

I just did this one from scratch. Chicken breasts dipped in egg and milk mixture, then rolled in Italian bread crumbs and Parmesan cheese. Cover them with your favorite red pasta sauce top with mozzarella and Parmesan. Bake and serve over spaghetti.

Lasagna
My variations on this is is I add eggs to my ricotta mixture, because it sets better. I also don't use as much beef, mine is a 1 lb. to 1 lb. ratio of pork and beef. Lastly, I spread my cheese mixture smooth instead of dollop it. I haven't ever done the no boil noodles so we'll see how this one turns out.

http://www.aboutamom.com/lasagna-freezer-meal-recipe/

Manicotti

I did boil the manicotti it just felt too wrong not to boil them, because this recipe doesn't have a ton of sauce and I just saw crunchy pasta. If you do this one and don't boil the pasta let me know how it turns out. You can save a lot of time using the same meat sauce you made for the lasagna just make enough for both recipes. 

http://www.5dollardinners.com/no-boil-freezer-manicotti-guest-post/

Chili

This one is just my own chili recipe that I freeze and then put in the crock pot and serve will rhodes dinner rolls or some cornbread. I don't measure anything and I'm too lazy to write down an actual recipe. So you can use your own favorite chili recipe. :) 

Pregnancy #3

The Beginning

It's all so fresh right now, perhaps my perspectives will change with time. I just need a space to put my words. I needed to see my reality in a physical way. I guess I'll start at the beginning, the only logical place to start, which would be this summer.
I was getting the "when is the next baby" hints a lot more and I was beginning to get quite defensive. I literally would have moments in my day where something would happen and I was say, "See God, this is why I can't have another baby right now." I was thorough in my list of reasons and I went over it almost daily. Now I can see this nagging inside me that something was compelling me to start the process of another pregnancy. However, I fought it with every ounce of stubborn will power I could muster. I'd gotten so defensive my husband didn't bring the subject up and cringed if it did come up in a social setting. However, we'd just been on a trip together and the subject finally did come up between us. It was a beautiful experience we both had, in a car, driving home from Denver. We knew without any doubt our selfish reasonings were hollow and that it was time for another baby. The one word we both were left with was faith. Begin in faith and everything else will be taken care of. With that we didn't hesitate anymore and actually became quite excited about it.
Fast forward one month and...

Pregnant!

I was tracking my cycle and new right when I was ovulating. I had never done that before, but I was set on having a June baby and knew my window for that was short. I was only a day late when I took the first test and tried not to get my hopes up. The second line was so faint I decided it needed another go. The next day I took another test and there was no question, WE WERE PREGNANT! I was only 4 weeks and had never found out that early before. I knew it was going to be hard to have to wait a while to tell people and even go to my first doctors appointment. However, there was something kind of fun and special just sharing this secret with Jordan. It was fun day dreaming about all the things that happen with pregnancy and a new baby. June was already too far away!

October 13th - 5 Weeks 5 Days

It was such a normal day. We all had dentist appointments in the morning. I was getting my teeth cleaned and the hygienists asked if I was on birth control. I thought that's a funny questions, and told her that I was actually pregnant. She said she could tell I was pregnant because of how my gums were reacting. It was the first of what I thought would be many moments of getting to share my exciting news with someone.

Miscarriage

It started with an intense cramp and a rush of blood. I ran to the bathroom and was horrified by the amount and bright red color. I knew this wasn't good. The cramping and bleeding got worse with every minute. I called my midwife and explained everything.   She didn't sugar coat things and let me know that she was fairly certain I was experiencing a miscarriage. We talked everything through and I was right on the verge of loosing it as we hung up.

I ran to my closet away from my kids and curled up on the floor and cried.

I really didn't know anything about having a miscarriage. I had been to prenatal classes, read books on pregnancy, had already had 2 healthy children and never had I received detailed information about miscarriages. It was always something that happened to someones else. It wasn't going to happen to me and so I never gave it much thought.

It isn't an event that is quickly handled. It's a drawn out process both physically and mentally. I'm only on day 3 and still cramping and bleeding. It's like going through the process of a healthy pregnancy, but accelerated. The joy of conceiving, the excitement of pregnancy only no physical representation of your baby. Then you endure something close to labor and delivery and postpartum without any baby to love and nurture.

The world didn't even know I was pregnant they certainly didn't know I've lost something. I feel stuck in this in-between area. To the outside everything is normal, but inside nothing feels normal. It's hard to know what to feel or how to respond.

Sometimes I feel like a phony. Like my grief should be less and no big deal compared to other mother's losses. Like because it was an early miscarriage it shouldn't hurt too bad or take too long to get over. However, my grief is real. I've never experienced this feeling before. I really can't put it into words. That's what makes me know that I'm not a phony, because any mother that has experienced any loss of a child in anyway already knows that grief. It's something that doesn't just go away with time. I think it is something that stays. Like I said, I'm far from an expert and I am still in the middle of this process, but I'll always remember October 13th and always think of June 17, 2017 and the baby that will never celebrate that birthday.

My Baby

You were mine for 10 days. I loved you and your Dad loved you. You were prayed for and wanted. I've had several people try and reassure me that there was nothing I did wrong or that there was something abnormal with the embryo to cause this. I know they all mean well, but honestly the why hasn't entered my mind at all. That reminder of Faith has been there the whole time and I trust that Heavenly Father is handling my little angels spirit until it is ready to come down here. I also know that this experience was for my benefit and although there is grief involved it is lined with joy and relief through the Savior.
I can't wait until I can meet this next spirit that is meant for our family. I already know that the lessons and growth waiting for me are going to mold me into a better person. I know through my faith that I will overcome any obstacle and be able to find the joy and growth in the journey.

What I Now Know About Miscarriage

This experience is still unfolding for me, but I feel like I've learned so much about it already. Part of what has made this so hard was the unkown. No one talks about miscarriages, no explains the pain, the physical experience, the emotional journey. No one talks about the chances. That 1 in 4 pregnancies end in a miscarriage. No one tells you it is ok to mourn a 5 week pregnancy. No one tells you that you're grief for that early loss isn't a comparison to the loss of another mothers. I want to talk about it. It happened. It was real and it will happen to other mothers who don't know anything about it. I want to break this taboo subject so that someone else isn't isolated by this experience. 20% of all pregnancies end with a loss and we should rally together not suffer in silence. If you know of someone who has had a miscarriage or infant loss don't offer empty words or give sympathetic looks. Reach out and hold their hand, tell them you are so sorry for their loss and pray for their comfort through the process.

*I know that what was taken from me may not have been a fully formed baby, but the promise, excitement, and joy of that baby is gone. It leaves a hole.

*I know that any loss is significant to a mother, and that no loss should be treated the same or rationalized.

*I know the physical experience of a miscarriage was an eye opener. I thought it was a couple hour event that started quickly and ended quickly. I had no idea it would be days and days of cramping and bleeding. Constant reminders that you are no longer pregnant. Constant physical proof that you will not give birth to a baby.

*I know that I can hardly wait until I get the chance to be pregnant again and that no matter what that experience will bring, through my faith, I will get through it and be better for it.

I send my most heartfelt love and comfort to any woman who has experienced pregnancy or infant loss. It is a life changing thing. I apologize for my past disregard and indifference to it. It is a hard thing to relate to if you've never experienced something like it. I admire so much those who have lost so much more than I have. You are not alone in your grief. You are amazing.
October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. Give a hug and encouraging word to those women in your life who still carry the loss of a sweet baby or pregnancy.

Weight Loss Update! (aka Progress Pictures)

So I hit my first milestone in any weight loss journey, my first 10 pounds gone! It took me 6 weeks. Which is great, but compared to my first weight loss journey it feels slow. I've been learning a lot of things through this second journey of weight loss, but the biggest is comparison will defeat you. It seems as natural as breathing for me to compare myself. It doesn't matter what it is or who I'm comparing, but it seems nothing is safe from my double vision. 

HOWEVER, I have found that comparing my success to past success has been a motivating tool. To see where I've been, and where I am, is important in recognizing what I'm capable of and that I should keep pushing myself. Every time I focus my comparison energy inwardly I am able to find areas to improve or be inspired to challenge myself. 

So woohoo 10 pounds gone (actually I've lost 11). 
Celebrate your successes.
Focus on comparing yourself with only yourself.